When You Just Want Your Period to Start…

I don’t know what’s worse—the moment the pregnancy test confirms what you already suspected, or the days that follow, stuck in limbo, waiting for your period to finally show up and put an end to the cycle. That empty white space on the test? I’ve stared at it more times than I can count, willing a second line to appear. Maybe if I tilt it under the light? Maybe if I wait a few more minutes? But no. It’s negative. Again. And now I just want my period to start so I can move on.

No one really talks about this part. The waiting. The in-between. The time after the disappointment but before you can “start fresh.” It’s the slow, cruel, drawn-out ending of a cycle that didn’t give you what you prayed for. And honestly? It can break you a little.

The Mind Games of TTC

I’ve had months where I handled it well—frustrated, sure, but steady. Then there were the months that wrecked me. I’d go from fine to sobbing in seconds. I’d pick fights with my husband over nothing. I’d convince myself my body was broken. I’d pray in desperation, searching for answers, wondering if I was supposed to be learning some deeper lesson.

And then came the guilt.

Guilt for being jealous when a friend’s pregnancy announcement popped up. Guilt for questioning God’s timing. Guilt for not having a “better attitude.” Guilt for struggling so much with something that seemed to come so easily to others.

But here’s what I’ve learned: The enemy wants us to sit in that guilt. He wants us to believe the lie that our bodies are failing us, that we aren’t faithful enough, that we’re somehow unworthy of motherhood. He wants us to think God has forgotten about us.

But that is not the truth.

Wrestling with God in the Waiting

Trying to conceive will bring you to your knees—literally. I’ve spent nights crying out to God, asking Why? I’ve begged Him for a different outcome. I’ve searched Scripture for reassurance, looking for something—anything—to remind me that He sees me.

And yet, there were days I still felt abandoned. I wondered if my prayers were even being heard. I wrestled with doubt.

But what I’ve come to realize is that God is in the waiting, too. He’s in the delay. He’s there in the heartbreak, in the unanswered prayers, in the desperate, whispered Lord, help me hold on. He is there when we’re too weary to pray, when our faith feels like it’s slipping, when all we can do is sit in the silence and wait.

And while I don’t have all the answers, I do know this: God’s timing is not my timing. His plan is not always clear. And even when I don’t understand, even when it feels impossibly hard, He is still good.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If there’s one thing I wish I had known earlier, it’s that I didn’t have to go through this alone. Yes, my husband is supportive, but he isn’t in my body. He doesn’t feel the hormone shifts, the gut-punch of another negative test, the all-consuming weight of wondering when it will finally be positive.

And it’s in this journey that I’ve discovered what kind of support would truly be helpful for women trying to conceive… a Fertility Doula.

A fertility doula isn’t just someone who educates you on tracking your cycle, supports you with nutrition changes, or suggests the latest supplements or shares research. They walk with you through the emotional and spiritual side of this journey. They remind you to care for your heart, not just your hormones. They pray with you, sit with you, help you process the grief of another failed cycle, and encourage you to hold onto hope—even when it feels impossible.

If you’re in this waiting season right now, I see you. I’ve been you. I am you. And I know how heavy this can feel. But you are not alone. God is in this with you. And if you need someone to help you navigate the ups and downs, to remind you that your body is not broken and that you are deeply loved—there are people who will walk this road with you. People like me.

And when your period finally shows up? Scream. Cry. Pray. Let yourself feel it all. Then, when you’re ready, take a deep breath and try again.

And if you need someone to walk with you through it, I’m here.